Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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