so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
