I just threw up on my dentist
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
