just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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