3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
