I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i would punch a child for taco bell
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
