K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
it's like iHOP with fire
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
