the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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