his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
