There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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