You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
