Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it's great music for shaving your balls
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
