How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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