At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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