I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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