I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
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He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
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You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize