What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
