I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
