Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
