I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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