i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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