She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
