More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
