I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
