dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
