just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
