I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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