so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
