im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think your dad took our porno
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
