btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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