OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
