ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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