I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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