That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
