have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
