About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
