She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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