I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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