Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
