After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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