He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
