What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
