So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
