He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
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there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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