nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
