i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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