Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
