Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
someone threw a dead crab at me
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
