Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
