The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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