yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
