If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize