Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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