u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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