well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
