You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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