I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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