I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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