I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
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So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
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That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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