Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
