What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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