Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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