When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
